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  • 5 Rules | Obey and Happy Easter!

    The five official rules--plus one bonus--for Easter:

    1. Remind grandma the family is going to the early service this year. No one wants her upset that she didn't get to sing the Hallelujah chorus with the grand kids.
       
    2. Write down where you hide every freakin' egg--a clever hiding spot is likely to become a bordello of odor and demise.
       
    3. Don't you dare wear that Easter hat while driving! The pastel-sequenced-chiffon-and-paisley blazer is plenty for the car ride.
       
    4. I was glad to prepare. For it gave merriment unto my soul. I was even gladder to sit the hell down, prop my feet, and let everyone else wash the damn dishes. That, made my soul nap... [Psalms 1326:3]
       
    5. Gin, not vodka.

    And last... if you want candy after today, buy Tuesday. CVS and Walgreens attendants will be waiting-- just for you.

    Happy Easter,
    P.S. I love this creepy picture.